Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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