I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
