If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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