i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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