Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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