Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
