??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
