i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
