Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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