It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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