YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she peed on how many people?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
