Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
