3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
