I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
