Barsexuality is the new black.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
