My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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