Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
