4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
