he thought i was a dude.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
