you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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