My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
