my phone needs a breathalizer
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
