You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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