y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
