He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
