Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
