I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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