so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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