worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
