i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
