I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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