My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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