There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
