his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
