She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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