The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
