I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
