OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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