i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
