Dual....:-)
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
