Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
