I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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