p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
