I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
