hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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