Do you still have your period?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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