you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
