she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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