The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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