Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I met the friendliest cop last night
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
