I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
