ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
