They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
