I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
