I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
